


The Clone

by aMUSEment345



Series: The Clone/Consequences [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMUSEment345/pseuds/aMUSEment345
Summary: This wasn't the person he'd known all these years. She looked like JJ, but she certainly didn't act like her. She may as well have been a clone. Something was very, very wrong. And Reid knew he had to find out what it was.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 

 

**A.N. Watching some of the shows from the early seasons reminded me of the JJ who managed to be both competent and caring at the same time. She looked after her teammates, and took special care of a very young and naive Reid. She valued her role as a liaison because she wanted to be an emotional support to the families. Then we hit season 7.  Beginning in season 7, and lasting for a season or two more, I began to miss the old JJ.  Reid did, too.  This one is set in season 7.**

* * *

**The Clone**

**Chapter 1**

_Something is not right._ She's _not right. And it's been that way for many months now._ Spencer Reid was worried about his erstwhile best friend.

He thought back again to what had happened this afternoon. They'd been called to Dallas to consult on a potential serial killer. He'd noticed what he thought was a pattern in the locations from which two bodies had been recovered, but was explaining to the locals how they would need a third body to establish it as a true pattern. The locals had winced at that, and so he gave them a (not so) short lesson on how pattern recognition occurs. The locals were looking back and forth among themselves, in over their heads with his long-winded explanation.

The other team members simply smiled indulgently, but JJ rolled her eyes. Again. Reid was hurt, again. She seemed to do that whenever the team was in public, meeting with other law enforcement. Before, she'd be supportive of him, decoding his labyrinthal explanations for the others. But now, it seemed, she ridiculed him. Every time.

He'd even asked her about it once. "JJ, is there something wrong?"

Her eyes were wary. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, did I say something wrong…..back there? Did I do something wrong?"

"Spence, I don't know what you're talking about." Now she'd broken eye contact.

"Well, are you angry with me, then? Did I do something to offend you?"

She almost looked annoyed. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because you rolled your eyes. When I was explaining the maps to the police, you were rolling your eyes. Like you couldn't believe what a jerk I was. Was I being a jerk?" He was genuinely torn. The JJ he knew wouldn't deride him…..so maybe he  _had_ been a jerk. But he was no longer sure this was the JJ he knew.

She'd laughed him off, saying, "I'm just trying to bond with the other officers, Spence." As though that explained everything. As though bonding with the others needed to come at his expense.

He didn't believe her. When had he ever not been able to believe her? Oh, that's right. About Emily. When she'd returned from her time away with the State Department. Reid became more and more disturbed whenever he thought about it. Something was definitely not right. And it needed investigating.

Thinking back, Reid realized that JJ had been distancing herself from the team…or, more precisely, from  _him_  for months now. Ever since she'd returned from State she'd seemed different to him. It seemed like that time away from the team had put a rift into their relationship in way he hadn't understood. At first, he thought  _he'd_  put the distance there. He'd been so upset about how she handled Emily's 'death'...…and mostly about how she'd handled  _him_ during that time. She'd been outwardly supportive but inwardly deceitful. He'd been more affected by that than by anything else. How could he continue to trust her after that? And how does one cope without being able to trust?

Eventually they'd worked through it. Or tried to. Mostly, he thought, it was a survival mechanism on his part. He simply couldn't continue to work side by side with her and not try to regain some of what they'd had before. But something in him felt like the reconciliation was one-sided, coming only on his part. JJ had kept some kind of shield up between them, and the closeness, the intimacy of their friendship, was lost behind it.

He tried to remember when he'd first noticed anything. When JJ had announced Emily's 'death' to the team, he'd tried to flee from the room. She'd pulled him back, taken him into her arms and let him cry on her shoulder. And it had all been artifice. As had every time it had happened again, over the ensuing months. He'd been inclined to deal with his loss by burying himself in his books, isolating himself from the possibility of pain. And JJ had reached out to him, brought him into her home, and into her arms, again and again. For all of his masterful intelligence, he couldn't fathom why she would have done this. Why not let him be alone? Why insert herself into his life in this way, when she knew every moment of it was a lie? And why do all of this only to repeatedly ridicule and reject him once the deception was over?

It had affected his work. He'd grown accustomed to testing his statements against her reactions. Usually he stole a glance in her direction to tell him whether he'd been understood…..or even to figure out when he'd been, inadvertently but bluntly, insensitive. In those instances, she helped him smooth it over, and later explained what had gone wrong and how to amend it the next time. But she no longer accepted eye contact from him, no longer helped him in his interactions with the public. She'd virtually abandoned him.

This wasn't the person he'd known all these years. She looked like JJ, but she certainly didn't act like her. She may as well have been a clone. Something was very, very wrong. And, inexplicably, he still cared enough to find out what it was.

* * *

 

In the Dallas police station, JJ caught the look of hurt on Reid's face and then quickly shifted her eyes before he could catch her glance. It couldn't be helped.  _There are bigger issues at stake_ , she kept telling herself. But it didn't make it any easier to know that she was causing him pain _. Really, when you think about it, there_ are _no bigger issues than how you treat those you care about_. And yet…..

Paradoxically, it was all the more difficult because he was the only one she would have wanted to confide in…..and, therefore, the one person she couldn't allow to get close. She knew he needed her in the same way. She hoped he'd decided to turn to someone else on the team, but feared he was simply absorbing the hurt on his own. This couldn't end soon enough _. Please wait me out, Spence. I promise it will get better. It's got to._

* * *

Reid finally decided he needed more input. Garcia was too close...it might get back to JJ, and he didn't want that to happen right now. So he went to his usual resource on all things female.

"Hi, Emily." Now that he'd approached her, he wasn't sure how to bring it up.

"Hey, Reid. What's up?"

He stood there staring at his feet for a moment. Emily wasn't sure what was troubling her young teammate, but it was clear that something was.

"Reid, something's bothering you. What is it?"

Slowly, he lifted his eyes. They held that sadness she'd seen in them on many occasions. He swallowed.

"Emily, how does JJ seem to you?"

She was confused. "JJ? She seems fine to me. Why?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I think there's something wrong with her. She doesn't seem like…well, like JJ." He found he couldn't bring himself to say "because she's mean to me," even if that was precisely the issue. It sounded too childish. Maybe it  _was_  childish. Maybe the problem wasn't JJ, maybe the problem was him.

"Can you be more specific, Reid?"

He gave up. He wasn't going to start turning the team against JJ. Maybe it was just something between them. Maybe she'd not forgiven him for being angry about the Emily issue. Maybe he'd lost one of the friendships he valued most in his life. Or…..maybe there was something really wrong. Maybe she was in trouble and needed him. He was at a loss as to how to figure it all out.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Clone**

**Chapter 2**

Sadly, the Dallas case was granted the third victim necessary to help support Reid's suspicion on a pattern. So far, three women in their 20s and 30s were dead, each found wrapped in a sturdy tarp. Prentiss and Rossi were working on victimology, while JJ was assisting Reid with the geographical analysis. Morgan and Hotch were returning from the most recent dump site.

Reid was clearly getting excited as he plotted the locations of the victims' homes and workplaces, as well as the sites where the bodies had been found. Several of the detectives on the cases were watching. One asked JJ, "Does he always get this worked up over a map? You'd think it was a beautiful woman."

Reid tried hard not to look, but couldn't help seeing JJ agreeing with the detective with a sarcastic nod. He pretended he hadn't noticed, and continued his plotting. When he had it completed, he turned to the group.

"Notice how each of the bodies was found within a half mile of a small lake."

The next detective was annoyed. "How can that possibly be helpful? There are hundreds of lakes in this area."

"Yes, and most of them are man-made, which is very important to our case. The three lakes near the dump sites were, in fact, among those man-made lakes. And all of them were dug between 1928 and 1929." He was looking confusingly triumphant to the detective squad.

"And?" one of them asked, still not understanding.

"And, I think there's some connection between the unsub and the excavation and creation of those lakes. And now we have a triangulated area to search."

Now everyone except JJ was rolling his eyes. She was on the phone with Garcia. She may have needed to keep a distance from Reid, but she also needed to work the case.

"Garcia, I've got a challenge for you this time. We need to know if there are any commonalities among the work crews…..or supervisors, or contractors, I guess….for three man-made lakes that were excavated in the Dallas area in the late 1920s." And she gave the names.

"Super-heroine that I am, I will try not to be defeated by my task. Seriously, Jayje, they obviously weren't recording information electronically back in the day. And even if they've scanned documents, they won't exactly be user-friendly for finding information."

"Try, Garcia. Please."

"You know I will. I'll get back to you ASAP. Garcia, over and out."

Reid tried not to look like he was exuding gratitude for JJ's support of his theory…..but it felt good, and he was.

* * *

 

Morgan and Hotch had returned from the crime scenes. Hotch recognized Reid's supposition as a long shot, but he'd learned from experience to trust the intuition of his young genius. He would await Garcia's report before passing judgment.

Rossi and Prentiss had completed their victimology. There was nothing that connected all three women, but victims one and two had a distant work connection. Victim one worked in a law office, and victim two in the managing office of a local newspaper. And victim three was connected to the connection.

The team gathered the entire task force into the main room of the precinct.

Emily explained, "I noticed one of the secretaries in the law office playing with the copy machine for most of the time we were there. She couldn't get it going again, and called the office machine company rep, who was scheduled to come over."

Taking up the story, Rossi added, "Then, when we went to the newspaper office, one of the secretaries was having the same problem. And she was calling out for help as well."

Emily resumed the story. "We all know how often these machines malfunction, so we thought the odds of finding something were low…..but they weren't zero. So we asked. And it turns out the same person usually services the machines from both offices."

Back to Rossi. "Which still wouldn't have been interesting if it hadn't been for the connection with the third victim. It turns out her brother works for the office machine company. He's not the representative in question…but his best friend is."

All ears had perked up. One of the detectives asked, "So that's our unsub?"

Hotch responded to that one. "So far the evidence only connects him to the victims. We need to connect him to the bodies or the dump sites."

"So what about this man-made lake idea?" The detectives were starting to think that Reid wasn't crazy after all.

"We're waiting on information from our technical liaison on that."

Rossi was still getting accustomed to using technology for everything, so was the first to fall back to old methods of discovery. "Why not just look in the Bureau of Public Records? Or whatever it's called."

The rest of the team were kicking themselves for missing the obvious. Hotch issued his order. "Reid, go over and look at the records from the three lakes in question."

The detectives were incredulous that the FBI would send one man to do the work of five. JJ reassured them. "Trust me, he can do it."

Reid heard her comment as he exited the room. He felt just a hint of warmth inside.

* * *

 

The case broke quickly after that. Reid was able to scan the appropriate documents even before Garcia could come up with any information. The man who'd overseen the excavation of the dump site lakes, and many other lakes as well, was grandfather to the office machine representative. His grandfather had often brought the young boy to the sites for boating and fishing, proud of his work.

The unsub located, the arrest made, the team was heading back to Quantico. On the plane, Reid tried to approach JJ. She'd been seated by herself apart from the others, working on files.

"Hey."

"Hey." She'd responded, but her eyes were guarded.

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He was stuck. Should he confront her?

He decided the plane was not the appropriate place. If she wanted to pretend this was a normal interaction between them, he would go along…for now.

"No reason, it's just you were sitting by yourself." He was hoping she would relent and talk to him. Or at least accept his presence.

"I'm trying to get some work done, Spence."

He felt defeated. "Okay, I won't bother you, then."

JJ stole a glance at his slumped shoulders as he moved back up the aisle. She refused to give in to the tears that wanted to fall.  _I'm sorry, Spence. I'm so sorry._

* * *

 

JJ poured herself a glass of wine when she got home. She'd picked Henry up from the sitter, and he was having fun playing with his 'men'. She lit the gas fire and sat staring into it. Sweet, sensitive, four year old Henry noticed his mother's mood and crawled up into her lap.

"Mommy, are you sad?"

She'd promised herself she wouldn't lie to her son if it could be helped. "A little, honey."

"Why, Mommy? Did you get a boo-boo?"

_Only on my heart, honey_. "No, I just miss somebody. I think I made them mad at me _." Because somebody else told me to….how ridiculous is that?_

"That's okay, Mommy. Just say 'sorry' and you can be friends again."

She hugged him tight. "My little wise man, how I wish you were right."


	3. Chapter 3

**The Clone**

**Chapter 3**

They were called out again immediately the following day. At Hotch's order, Garcia summoned everyone directly to the plane at 5 AM. The sleepy team gathered around the computer monitor for her summary. The crime was so fresh, there was little information to review. **  
**

This case was brutal. They always were, when children were involved. But, for the team, this one was worse than most. A young boy had disappeared from a shopping mall and later been found in a shallow grave in a wooded area of a park, not far from a playground…one he'd never visited. And now a second child was missing. This one actually disappeared from the playground near where the first child's body had been found. The urgency was palpable. The first child had apparently died within 24 hours of his abduction.

Hotch did his best to shield JJ from cases like this. As a parent of a young child himself, he was all too well aware of how personal things got, and how quickly. He made the same kinds of adjustments to meet the needs, and pasts, of each of his team members. This time, he charged JJ and Reid with setting up the case and geographic profile at the precinct. Morgan and Prentiss would go to the mall and then the dump site. He and Rossi had a date with a known child molester who'd recently been released from prison.

At the police station, JJ did her best to keep herself and her mind busy. Henry was never far from her thoughts on any day. But today, projected images of him being hurt were trying to intrude, and she was trying desperately to keep them out. Despite their recent distance, Reid was pretty certain of where her mind had gone, because his had gone there as well. He tried to distract her with conversation, feeling a little bit like a glutton for punishment….but also like a loyal friend.

"Do you remember the last case we had where a child was taken at a mall? It turned out to be a family member. And we found the child alive." He hoped reminding her of that positive outcome would help.

"I'm going to go and talk with the lead detective. He may have something from his family interviews." And she left the room.

He followed her with sad eyes. The wall between them was solidifying.

* * *

 

Victimology was providing Reid with a mixed picture. The mothers of both boys belonged to the same women's fitness center, which offered child care while the women worked out. But there was no evidence that they'd ever been there at the same time, and they'd each reported that they didn't know the other. So, maybe there was no specific connection between the families, but there was definitely a similar exposure to child care workers.

The geographical profile was more interesting in its facts than in the actual plotting of sites on the map. The fact that the second child was taken from very near the spot where the first child's body had been dumped suggested that the second abduction might have been a crime of opportunity.

Put together, the picture was more confusing than not. The unsub could have been watching both boys and targeting them specifically. Or he could have targeted the first victim and taken the second only because he found him nearby.

Reid tried again with JJ. "It would be highly unusual for an unsub to change his pattern between kills. So either both boys were taken opportunistically, or they were both targeted. Maybe he chose the dump site  _because_ he knew the second victim played at that playground."

JJ didn't respond to him directly, but picked up her phone. "Morgan, when you leave the mall, you and Emily need to go the mothers' fitness center. It's about a mile up the road, in a small plaza. Find out about the child center staff. Find out if they ever take the kids anywhere. Or if the kids might talk to them about where they like to play. The unsub may have chosen the first dump site because he knew the second child would be nearby."

"Got you, JJ. We'll head there next."

Reid was on speaker with Garcia. "Get us background on all the child care workers at the fitness center. Everything….addresses, employment, background checks…"

"Shouldn't they all have had background checks before being hired for child care? Don't they even get fingerprinted?"

JJ responded. "Centers that are licensed are required to get it, Garcia. But it doesn't always happen. And maybe this one isn't licensed. Better add that to the list for research."

"Will do, my girl. Back to you in a jiffy."

Reid suggested, "Better call Hotch and let him know what's going on."

JJ had just reached him when the detective ran into the room. "A body has been discovered. In another park. Near another playground."

All of the listening hearts sank.

Hotch gave the order he'd wanted to avoid. It couldn't be helped. They were the only ones available. "JJ, Reid, you'll have to go to the scene."

* * *

 

The ride over to the park took place in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. As they traversed the wooded section of the park nearing the dump site, Reid touched JJ's shoulder.

"Stay back, JJ. I can handle it."

"I'm a profiler, this is my job."

The firmness in his eyes and voice held her. "Stay back."

He approached the grave slowly. The crime scene team was finishing and made room for him. Despite his statement to JJ, what he saw almost overwhelmed him. There lay a young boy, four or five years old, blond, looking almost like he was asleep. Except for the insects that had begun to find him. Reid turned his head and swallowed bile.

He did his best to focus on what little evidence he could gather from the grave. But thoughts of Henry kept running through his head. He did manage to take notice of the positioning of the body, the fact that the child was fully clothed, and the stuffed bunny that seemed to have been buried with him _. Like the little dog I gave Henry. The one he loves so much._

JJ must have read something in his face when he turned back away from the grave. At the same time, she didn't want to look and yet knew she had to _. It's my job. I can't stop doing it whenever the victim is a child._

As she made her way forward, Reid tried to grab her, but she brushed past him. And then gasped when she looked into the grave. Reid watched as the color left her face. She stared a moment at the ground and then walked quickly away. She was trying to pretend she had something to attend to.

_Oh, no you don't._  Reid headed after her and caught up quickly with his long stride.

"Are you okay?"

She continued walking, head down. He asked again, "JJ, are you okay?"

Without stopping or looking at him, she said, "I'm fine. I've got something to do."

By now they were out of sight of the others. He grabbed her arm and turned her toward him. She looked shocked at the contact.

"Jennifer, you are not 'fine'. " When he'd started the sentence, he'd been referring only to what had just happened. But, that quickly, it became about all that had gone before as well. "You haven't been 'fine' for a very long time."

She turned her eyes from his. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He just stared at her. Her resistance withered under his steady gaze. He'd caught her in a very vulnerable moment. When she lifted her eyes again, Reid could see that she was fighting tears. The chivalrous part of him thought to back down, but his concern for her kept him at it.

"JJ, please, tell me. I know something is wrong. I've known it for a long time. I'm worried about you. I'm worried about  _us._ Please let me help you."

He was breaking her down. Putting her hands to her face, JJ began to weep into them.

Reid didn't know what to do. He wasn't experienced at comforting a crying woman. But this was  _JJ._

He approached her and gently lifted her hands from her face. He wanted her to look at him. "JJ, it's me. You know how much I care about you. Please...let me help you." With that, she dropped her resistance and he pulled her close. For a short moment, she cried against his chest.

"Why are you so good to me when I've been so awful to you?" She pulled away a bit so she could see his face.

"Because I remember who we were to each other. And I still think we can be that again."

She bit back more tears at that. "I remember it too, Spence. I've never stopped feeling that way. It's just…"

When she hesitated, he decided he needed to push. "JJ, if that's true, then you need to let me in. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you. It's obvious that something's hurting you."

She also heard the words he didn't say.  _"And_ you _are hurting me."_  Which was the last thing she'd wanted to do. Some part of her had known she was going to have to put an active end to the problem. It wasn't going away on its own as she'd hoped.

Just then the rest of the crime scene personnel headed out of the woods and in their direction. This wasn't the time.

"Spence, I promise I'll talk to you. We just obviously can't do it now. Can we do it when we get back? Come and see Henry and we'll talk when he's gone to bed."

"Are you sure you don't mind my seeing Henry?" They both knew he was thinking about how she'd curtailed his visits to her home.

Looking apologetic, she reassured him. "That was about me, not about him. I'm so sorry, Spence. I know you love him and I shouldn't have gotten in the way."

He had another question. "Would it be better to talk with Will or without Will?"

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Will is staying somewhere else right now."

Reid's eyes widened. "JJ, what happened? Is this all connected?" This was sounding even worse than he'd thought.

"I guess you could say so. I've been under a lot of stress, and I think it took a toll."

Now Reid's eyes were full of sympathy. He wasn't sure he could wait until the case was over, but he would do his best to cooperate with her. "All right, JJ. We'll talk when we get back. But please don't try to back out. We  _will_  talk."

JJ nodded and hid a rueful smile. There was something about a strong-willed Reid that was reassuring to her. Maybe sharing with her former (?) best friend was exactly what she needed to do. _  
_


	4. Chapter 4

**The Clone**

**Chapter 4**

It's hard to work when you're disheartened, and the team was most definitely that. They had gathered in the precinct conference room, JJ now fully composed. Years of experience had made her a master of masking her emotions. Hotch was aware of that, so knew to ask Reid how she reallywas.

"It was tough, but so is JJ. She handled it." He offered nothing more. Hotch knew  _all_ of his profilers well. He was aware Reid was keeping something back, but trusted both of them to come forward if it was necessary.

Hotch tried to get the team to regroup. "Okay, what  _have_  we got?"

Morgan was frustrated. "We've got two dead little boys, two grieving families and very little else."

Seeking to elevate the mood, Emily corrected him. "That's not entirely true. We've got the connection through the fitness center's child care room."

"But no connections among the staff." Rossi finished the thought for her.

"We should check with Garcia," JJ offered. "She was researching backgrounds on the child care staff."

She punched a button on her phone. "You're on speaker, Garcia. What do you have on the child care workers."

"Three, two, one. There, the last one's coming through now. We have virtually nothing. The criminal background checks didn't return anything. From other sources, the best I could come up with is that one of them, Theresa Smith, just moved to the area recently, but held a job in the same field in Cleveland until about 4 months ago. That's pretty much the most exciting thing I found."

"Thanks, Garcia." Before JJ could shut the phone, Rossi spoke up. He was processing something.

"Hotch, I know it's a long shot, considering the name…but the molester we interviewed this morning….he was a Smith also. Christopher Smith."

Hotch was a strong believer in following up every lead. "Garcia, we need to know if there is any connection between our recently released molester, Christopher Smith, and the child care worker, Theresa Smith."

"Well, that certainly falls into the 'what are the odds' category. Let me see. Ah, both are originally from Cleveland, Ohio. Oh….it looks like they are half siblings, same father, different mother. Christopher was arrested and convicted in 1998, for possession of child pornography and risk of injury to a minor. He was paroled two months ago." The pace of her speech picked up as she went along, reflecting her growing excitement at what she was seeing. "Theresa lived in Cleveland until four months ago. They have the same address now."

Emily made the leap. "He needed to have a place to live before he could be released. She probably couldn't let him come back to the same neighborhood when he got out. He was too notorious there. She moved so she could let him live with her when he was paroled."

Hotch and Rossi were looking at each other. Rossi expressed their thought aloud. "This must be the sister who 'works in a bank'."

Hotch was upset with himself. "I should have verified it."

Rossi corrected him. " _We_  should have verified it."

"Guys," Reid interrupted, "I know it looks like we have our unsub, but what do we have to connect him to the kids?"

"Nothing yet," growled Morgan. "But we'll have it as soon as I get him into an interrogation room."

Emily took a more reasoned approach. "Maybe we'd do better to bring the sister in first?"

"But we'd better put somebody on the brother. We don't want to get this close and then lose him." Rossi was being practical.

Hotch distributed the assignments. "Morgan, Prentiss, you've got the brother. As soon as we have enough, you'll bring him in. Reid, JJ, go to the fitness center and bring in the sister."

* * *

 

"There's a reason these are called textbook cases," philosophized Rossi, once it was all over. "The most likely suspect  _is_  usually the correct suspect."

The interrogation of Theresa Smith yielded a picture of a supportive sister completely unaware of the depravity of her brother. So it never occurred to her not to share details about the children she cared for. And it never occurred to her that her only brother might have been the cause of their deaths. She was devastated...and very willing to allow the FBI to search her home. The computer yielded, to Garcia's practiced hand, a password-protected set of photographs that were disturbingly graphic. Christopher Smith would be going away again, for a very long time.

This time, on the plane ride home, JJ sat next to Spence. They shared most of the trip in silence, each lost in thoughts they'd rather not be having. Eventually she fell into a fitful sleep, resting her head on his shoulder. It felt  _almost_  like old times.

* * *

 

"And bless Aunt Penelope, and bless Uncle Spence, and please make the sun come out tomorrow so I can go to the park."

Reid had never been witness to Henry's prayers before. He was touched to be remembered by his godson, and amused at his attempts to manipulate the weather.

"Good night, Henry."

"Good night, Uncle Spence. Good night, Mommy."

"Good night, baby boy. Sweet dreams."

Heading back into the living room, Reid sat down heavily on the sofa and patted the seat next to him. JJ drew a breath and joined him. It was time to talk.

"Do you want to tell me about Will?"

Her look was pleading. "Not tonight, Spence. Can we leave it to another time? I don't think I have it in me." He could see how weary she was already, and so acquiesced.

Reid had made it a point to become very attuned to JJ's microexpressions. So he was able to see that she tried to start speaking and then stopped one…two….three…..four times.

"JJ, it's just me. I can see this is hard for you, but it's just me."

She looked at him with those troubled eyes and slowly nodded. "I know. It's just….."

"Just what?"

She plunged. "Just that it's you who could get hurt."

He hadn't been expecting that at all. With narrowed eyes, he asked, "What? What do you mean?"

She took a deep breath and leaned back into the couch. "I should start at the beginning. Or maybe before the beginning."

Reid had turned to face her. He wanted to be able to read her completely.

"You probably know that Strauss has had it in for Hotch for a long time." At Reid's nod, she continued. "She always saw him as an obstacle to her rising up the ranks, even though she outranked him at the time. She thought he was on a fast track to a lofty position in the FBI, one that she wanted. So she always did her best to sabotage him."

Looking to him, she added, "Did you know that's how Emily came to the team?"

"Emily?"

"Yes, Emily. Strauss arranged her placement as a means of spying on Hotch from within."

"JJ, no…..not Emily!" Reid was starting to feel like the ground beneath him was softening.

JJ shook her head. "She didn't cooperate, Spence. She took the position, but she didn't give Strauss anything. I didn't even know about it until she went away."

Reid took in the reference to Emily's 'death'. He looked steadily at JJ. "Go on." No longer having any idea where she might be going.

"When Emily wouldn't cooperate with her, Strauss decided to undermine Hotch another way. This time, she tried to break up the team." She looked at him meaningfully.

He got it. It was when Strauss took JJ away. "Did you know it was her?"

"Hotch and I both knew. I had turned down the transfer several times before. She shouldn't have been able to force it, but somehow she pulled strings and it happened anyway. Hotch tried to stop it and couldn't. Strauss has friends in high places."

Reid felt an anger simmering within him. That one move had hurt all of them, in so many ways. And it had hurt their work.

"After Emily, Rossi was able to put some pressure on Strauss…you know they were close once, right?...and she allowed me to come back. But not until she'd had a chance to put something else in place."

Reid could hear the bitterness in her voice.

"She would allow my return only if I agreed to certain conditions. She hid her role in it, but essentially I would only be allowed back if I would agree to be her eyes and ears within the team. She wanted me to do what Emily wouldn't."

JJ could see Reid beginning to fume. "So, like Emily, I agreed to come back to the team...I'd never wanted to leave in the first place...but without any intention of actually giving Strauss anything."

"Do you think Rossi knew?"

"About what Strauss was trying to get me to do? I really don't know, but I'd like to think not. He's a realist, but I think he wears blinders where Strauss is concerned."

"But JJ, why couldn't you tell me? Why did you have to put such a distance between us?"

The sadness was evident in her face. "Because, Spence, the story doesn't end there."

She turned so that now both of them were facing each other directly. "While Emily was gone, the team was unraveling. Morgan and Garcia were investigating behind the scenes, Hotch was gone to Pakistan, you were...you weren't  _you."_

He dropped his eyes, remembering that completely awful time. He'd been mourning, vengeful...hence his many hours at the shooting range...and largely absenting himself from the team. If one could have called them a team at that point.

JJ went on. "And then the whole thing with Doyle and Declan happened. We all skirted some professional lines there. In truth, we  _crossed_  those lines."

Reid knew exactly what she was talking about. He wasn't proud of the manipulation they'd put in place with Doyle, but he hadn't felt like there was any other choice...and it  _had_  been effective in saving the boy. He'd revisited those decisions many times in the days and months afterward.

He spat, "The end justifies the means...except that it never does. We practically sent a man to his death... _I_ practically sent him...no, I  _did_  send him. There was never a chance that Doyle would survive that." He was looking both bitter at having been in the position and disgusted with what he had done.

Looking away, he said, "I knew that. And I pushed for it anyway." Almost to himself, he added, "Like he was disposable." He looked back to JJ. "I'm not proud of that JJ. I don't recognize the person who made those decisions."

_This is clearly still so raw for him._  "Is that why you didn't ask to be reinstated to the team?"

"I didn't want the team tainted by my actions. I told the congressional review board that they shouldn't blame the team for the actions of one man. And I was willing to step away from the team to make that happen."

JJ gave him a weak smile and rubbed his arm. "Did you know that those sessions were recorded? In my position with State I was privy to watching them. I saw how you handled them, Spence. And I was so proud!"

He was shaking his head. "Nothing to be proud of, JJ. I lost my temper with them, probably made us all a bigger target."

JJ was serious again. "Well, they definitely weren't happy with you. But it was Strauss who targeted the team. The review board gave her a way to do it without revealing herself."

His questioning look urged her on.

"After the review, I was called in to a meeting with the co-chairs. Strauss wasn't there, but I'm sure she instigated it, because the message was clearly hers. Both of the co-chairs were running for re-election, and both were wanting to make a name for themselves. So they thought they might do it by uncovering a renegade attitude within the FBI….and specifically within the BAU…which is why I was so certain Strauss had to have put them up to it."

Reid noticed she was squeezing the pillow she was holding. This was hard for her.

"They felt like they could force me to pass them information…..because they threatened you."

"How? With what?" He still didn't know what this was about, but was angry that he'd been the reason JJ had been compromised.

Head down, JJ lifted only her eyes to Reid. "They said they had enough to prosecute you over Doyle. That you'd be convicted and put in prison."

Reid was stunned. "JJ….How?….What?…Why?"

"I don't know, exactly. But I gathered that Strauss had put together information about the plan and how it was carried out in such a way that it looked like a planned execution…conceived by you."

Reid's mind was going at lightning speed. His eidetic memory allowed him to review every moment leading up to and through the whole affair. Execution had not been any part of the plan. They were all focused only on saving the boy. But he could see how it could be spun…..

"JJ, why didn't you come to me? To anyone?"

"Spence, I couldn't. Especially not to you. I know you too well. You would have sacrificed yourself…..and I could never have lived with myself after that." After a pause, she continued, "and you know me too well. If I hadn't put the distance there, you would have picked up on the whole thing right away."

He didn't realize he was nodding, but JJ saw. She'd been right to keep it from him.

"Instead, I thought that if I seemed like I was cooperating, maybe I could wait them out. You know, that the congressmen would have had their election and then grown tired of waiting for information that wasn't forthcoming, and moved on to the next scandal So I gave them reports that said virtually nothing."

"And Strauss?"

"She played it like she hadn't hatched the whole idea, but I was to deliver my reports through her. She could see I was holding back, and she tried to put some pressure on me, but that's all over with. Since she took her leave, I haven't heard a word from her."

They both remembered the case where Strauss' problem drinking had become evident. She'd taken leave shortly after that.

"Although I hear she's back. So I guess I'll find out if she's still after us."

Reid shifted his position, sat fully back on the sofa. He had a lot to think about. "JJ, I'm so sorry you were put in this position. It should never have happened. I should never have done anything that could compromise any of you."

_Do I know my Spencer Reid or do I not?_  "Spence," she took his face in her hands, turned him to look at her, "this is  _not_ your fault. You're doing what I was trying to avoid. You can't carry the weight of the whole world on your shoulders….you're not Atlas. Strauss was wrong, the congressmen were wrong. Don't take this on, please."

He was looking down again. "Maybe I didn't cause all of it, but I need to do something to fix it." He stood abruptly and started for the door. JJ ran to get ahead of him, put her hands on his chest to stop him.

"Spence, no! We can still wait them out." At the set of his jaw, she saw she wasn't penetrating. "What? What are you going to do?"

He looked down at her. "I don't know yet, JJ. But I have to do something." And he took her by the shoulders and physically moved her aside. She was taken aback.  _This_  was a Spencer Reid she didn't know, and she was afraid of what he might do, acting rashly. She was very afraid he would put his career in jeopardy….maybe even end it….to help save her and the others.

She was still pleading with him as he went down the walkway. "Spence, please! Spence!"


	5. Chapter 5

**The Clone**

**Chapter 5**

JJ was exhausted. She hadn't slept all night, worried about Reid.  _I shouldn't have told him. I_ knew _I shouldn't have told him. He's going to do something we'll both regret._  Several calls and texts had gone unanswered.

Henry picked up on her mood and became clingy, not wanting to go to preschool. She'd had to practically pry his arms from her, and could still hear him crying as she left him with his teacher.

Thinking the day couldn't possibly get any worse, she was proven wrong when she arrived to the bullpen. Reid's desk was empty. Emily noticed her looking around, but didn't understand how frantic she was not to find him there.

"JJ, if you're looking for Reid, he called in. Said he had an important appointment, so he's taking a day of leave." Emily continued to look at her. "Are you all right?"

JJ was distracted.  _An appointment? With whom? For what purpose? What was he doing?_  "What? Oh, no, I'm fine. Just a hectic morning."

Before their morning meeting, she texted him again. "Spence, where are you? Are you OK? What are you doing? Please don't do anything crazy."

The meeting got under way. They'd started to gather, on the non-travel days, to discuss some of the paper consults they were doing. Hotch was trying to heighten the consistency in their decision-making and to cross-fertilize their areas of expertise with these case sharing sessions. When it came to JJ's turn to offer a case, her distraction was clearly evident to the rest of the team. Having had to stop and restart several times, she finally gave up.

"I'm sorry, guys. It was a difficult night and morning with Henry. My mind's not really here today, and my brain is foggy."

Hotch studied her an additional few seconds before replying. "JJ, if you need to take the day, it's all right. We'll call you if something urgent comes up."

She almost refused him. She felt strongly that she should be able to continue to do her job well, even as a parent. It was one of the points of argument with Will. So even though the source of her distress today was coming more from her adult issues than from those with her son, she didn't want it to seem to the team that having a child was an obstacle. So she  _almost_ refused him, but then conceded to her emotional and physical state.

"Thanks, Hotch. It won't happen again."

As he watched her go, Hotch, the single parent, knew it well might.

Before she left the BAU, a text came through on her phone. From Spence.  _Finally._

"Am OK. Was in a meeting. See you tonight? 8?"

She realized he wanted to come after Henry was down. "OK", she replied. "8".

* * *

 

Some days just have to end. There's no making them better, no finding the bright side. For JJ, this was one of those days. As much as she was anxious to see Reid, she couldn't wait for this day to be over. Henry had skipped his nap and was a bear by bedtime. He'd had a complete meltdown, which had prompted one in his mother. As she pulled his bedroom door shut, she'd begun sobbing.

_Maybe Will was right. Maybe I can't work this job and raise a child. I know for sure I don't think I can do it alone. And Spence! What do I do about Spence? All I seem to do is hurt him, whether I tell him the truth or keep it from him._

She was crying so hard she barely heard the bell. Doing her best 'pull-it-together-in-ten-seconds routine…which was not her forte….she went to the door. Reid was thus met with a tear-stained, hiccupping JJ who greeted him with, "What did you do!"

He was immediately concerned at her appearance. "JJ, what's wrong?"

She'd had it. "What do you mean, what's wrong? You run out of here, determined to do in your career, you don't answer your phone, you worry me so much I can't sleep, my son is screaming at me, I can't even work…" And she dissolved again.

He shut the door behind them and brought her to the couch. She sat, drawing up her knees and crying into a pillow. Reid squatted down in front of her. Gently, he took the pillow away and lifted her chin, so he could look into her eyes.

"JJ, I'm sorry I worried you. I had a lot of thinking to do, and I wasn't listening for my phone. I'll tell you about what happened, but first, tell me what's wrong with Henry."

"Nothing. He just misses his dad and he always picks up on it when I'm upset. Which I am." She was trying to catch her breath, but kept falling back into tears. JJ usually held her emotions tightly in check, letting down only when she absolutely had to. During the course of their friendship, Reid had seen her upset before, but only rarely, and never quite this much. Now, twice in one week. Drawing on his experience from the other day, He sat down next to her and gathered her into his arms so that she was crying against his shoulder.

Reid stroked JJ's hair with his free hand while he kept an arm around her shoulder. He could feel her sobs shaking both of them and mentally kicked himself for his role in bringing them on. When she'd cried herself out, he continued to hold her. They sat together like that for a long while, comfortable with each other in the silence. Without thinking, he kissed the top of her head. And then was immediately shocked at what he'd done.

"JJ, oh my God, I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry."

In reply, she reached for his hand and kissed the back of it. "There, I gave it back. It's all right, Spence. It was nice."

She didn't have the energy to be upset anymore. Still curled into him, she asked, "So, do you still have a job with the FBI?"

"I think there's a 23.7% probability that I do."

"Spence…..what did you do?"

"I went to see Strauss."

She pushed away so she could face him. "Spence, why did you confront her? I told you, she hadn't been in contact with me at all lately."

"JJ, this is just not a tolerable situation. I will not have my friends hassled or put at risk because of me. If my actions were wrong, I'll pay for them."

Now JJ was afraid for him. It sounded like he'd gone ahead and sacrificed himself. "Is that what you told her? To send you to prison? Spence,no!"

He waved his hand downward in a calming motion. "I didn't say that exactly. But I told her that what she'd put in place couldn't continue, that she had to leave you out of any plan to punish me. And that neither of us would be helping her sabotage Hotch."

JJ was aghast at the risk he'd taken at the same time that she was admiring this new, assertive version of her friend, doing battle on the strength of his convictions. And she was very moved about his desire to be protective of her.

"How did she take it?"

"She wasn't happy, but she heard me out." He looked at JJ like he was measuring whether or not to say something additional. He was, but decided to keep it to himself _. That part is not my story to tell_.

Just then, both of their phones sounded. They assumed they were being called in to the BAU, but instead found identical text messages summoning them to meet with Director Strauss at 10 the following morning.

They looked at each other with apprehension. Reid had expected to be summoned at some point, but he was disturbed that JJ had been as well. Praying that he hadn't caused her to lose her job, he sought to reassure her. But couldn't think of how. He watched as she sat back heavily against the cushion.

She was staring into the distance. "Maybe Will was right."

Reid studied her for a few seconds, trying to gauge whether he should pursue the subject. "Will? Right about what?"

She flashed her eyes to him and then looked away again. "One of the many things we argued about was my going back to the BAU. He was much happier when I was with State and stationed at the Pentagon, because the hours were much more predictable and there was almost no travel."

"Why  _did_  you come back, JJ?" He knew what he hoped to hear, but wasn't really expecting it.

Her eyes gave emphasis to the words she spoke. "I did it because the work we do with the BAU is important, and because the people I do it with are important to me."

He studied her a moment. "JJ, I don't think I did anything today that would threaten your continuing with the BAU. But if I'm wrong, I'll make Strauss accept my resignation in exchange for your being able to stay." He thought he was being supportive.

She put her face in her hands, frustrated. Were those 187 IQ points worth nothing? Or was it that his emotional IQ was so much lower?

"Spence, do you not understand? I don't want to be at the BAU without you. The work we do is important….absolutely….but it's also so dark, and so….so…I don't know….damaging. I'm only able to do it because of the relationships I have…..and the most sustaining, the most important, relationship I have is with you. I thought you knew that."

He didn't know what to say. He was so used to being a part of the wallpaper wherever he went that he couldn't imagine someone actually caring if he were there or not. Even JJ. After all, she had Henry, and Will. "I guess I've always felt that way about you, but I didn't know you felt the same way. I didn't think you'd need me the same way…."

"Because I have Will." She finished the sentence for him. "Well, you were wrong."

He remembered how they'd gotten into the conversation in the first place.

"JJ, do you want to tell me about Will? Why did he leave?  _When_  did he leave?"

"Spence, I'm too tired to go into all of it. The short story is that we were fighting….about almost everything, eventually, but mostly about my work. He didn't want me to go back to the BAU because the hours, the travel...really, the unpredictability…. of it is hard. Neither of us having family support here was making it even harder. But I'd managed to put together a system of friends that was working for us. He didn't like it. He wants us to move back to New Orleans."

Reid's stomach flipped. The thought of losing JJ…..and Henry, with whom he had long since fallen in love …..was devastating. They were, essentially, the only functioning family he had left.

He was afraid to hear her answer, but knew he had to ask. "Are you thinking about it?"

She heard the trepidation in his voice, and knew exactly what was causing it. "No, Spence, no. I'm not going anywhere. And neither is Henry."

She saw him close his eyes and breathe a sigh of relief.

_Thank you, God_ , he thought. "So where does that leave you and Will?"

"Apart, for now at least. It's been over two months since he left. Henry had a hard time at first…..and still does, sometimes…..like today. But he's adjusting."

"Adjusting? You sound like you think this might be permanent."

JJ fell back against the couch. "I really don't know, Spence. I'm not sure I even know what I want anymore. But I know I'm too exhausted to figure it out tonight." After a pause, she added, "And who knows, maybe the job won't be an issue after tomorrow."

Reid leaned toward her, looking intently into her eyes. "JJ, I'm serious about this. I will not let this hurt you. Strauss can come after me all she wants, but if she goes after you, she'll have a fight on her hands….one she won't forget. I don't want you to worry about this. Get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

"As tired as I am, I don't think sleep will be coming. My mind is going a mile a minute."

Feeling responsible, Reid sought to help her relax. He thought briefly to settle her on her bed, but couldn't get himself past the idea of being in her bedroom. So he fluffed up a couple of the sofa pillows, and gently pushed her over so that her head was resting on them. She let him lift her feet to stretch her out and cover her with the blanket Henry had apparently been using for a tent earlier in the day.

Sitting on the floor next to the sofa, Reid gently patted her head, allowing his fingers to run through her hair. All of this transpired in silence, the only communication happening through their eyes. JJ ended the conversation by closing hers, having finally given in to her exhaustion, and Reid's gentle touch.

As he got up to let himself out, Reid turned back. He kissed the top of her head again. "Tag, you're it."


	6. Chapter 6

**The Clone**

**Chapter 6**

Hotch called both of them into his office the next morning.

"I understand that you two have an appointment with Director Strauss this morning."

His statement was simple, but the look on his face was not. If he'd been briefed, it was only on part of the story. It was obvious something was going on, and he'd picked up on some subtleties in both JJ's and Reid's behaviors, but he hadn't been able to put all the pieces together. Now, seeing that Erin Strauss had a role in it, he'd begun to assemble the puzzle.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

JJ and Reid exchanged a look. JJ spoke for them. "Hotch, there's a lot to tell, and we  _will_  fill you in. But I think we need to do it after our meeting with Strauss."

Reid felt a need to add, "It isn't something that could be shared before today." He didn't want Hotch to feel like he couldn't trust JJ going forward,

Hotch gave his heavy-browed stare to both of them. "Will I still have all of my profilers after the meeting?"

Reid took that one. "You'll have most of them. I can't promise all."

JJ's wince at Reid's statement wasn't lost on Hotch. "Reid, if Erin Strauss wants my hide, I do  _not_ want you giving yours instead. Am I understood?"

Reid wouldn't make eye contact.

"Reid?"

"Yes, sir. But it isn't you I'm worried about."

That told Hotch all he needed to know. He looked at JJ. "She's going after you?" He didn't understand.

JJ realized they were going to have to tell the story now. "No, she's still going after you. She's just using me, and going after Spence to make me do it."

Once they'd explained, Hotch was irate. "You two stay here. I'll take that meeting."

"Hotch, no," Reid was uncharacteristically firm with his unit chief. "I met with her yesterday. Let me play this out."

"What did you meet with her about?"

JJ interjected, clearly upset, but also resigned. "He tried to protect me by challenging her to go ahead and charge him with causing Doyle's death. Hotch, please, don't let her do it!"

Reid spoke quietly enough to command the attention of both of them. "Please trust me. I think I made some headway yesterday. We won't know until we meet with her. Please let that happen."

Hotch stared at Reid long enough to see that he was resolute if not entirely confident. When Reid wasn't being hotheaded and emotional, Hotch trusted the judgment of his youngest profiler, and this was one of those times. He reluctantly agreed to let them take their meeting with Strauss on their own terms.

"Report back to me as soon as you're done."

* * *

 

The pair waited in silence to see the Director. As they did, Reid thought back to his meeting with her yesterday.

"Agent Reid, I understand you requested to meet with me urgently. Please have a seat and tell me what I can do for you."

"Ma'am, I'd rather stand, thank you."

He could see from her facial expression that she was perturbed at that, but she acquiesced.

"Very well. What do you want, Agent Reid?"

"I want you to leave my unit in the BAU alone."

"Excuse me?"

"I want you to allow Agent Jareau to do her job without interference, and without fear of what will happen to me or anyone else on the team…..most especially Unit Chief Hotchner."

Strauss had turned to the window, to allow herself time to regroup without having to make eye contact. She was quiet for a long moment.

"Agent Reid, you are aware that your actions led to the calculated death of Ian Doyle. The Bureau cannot afford to overlook such uncontrolled behavior on the part of one of its agents."

He was angry. "Then prosecute me."

She thought he was testing her. "Agent, that statement alone will bring you a charge of insubordination."

She'd miscalculated there. He stared her down. "Ma'am, I have nothing more to lose. If I cooperate with you, I lose my team and my self-respect. If I stand firm, I lose my freedom. You have the power. I have only this." And he took a small object from his pocket, and placed it on her desk.

She looked back and forth from him to the desk, clearly angry. "Are you threatening me, Agent Reid?"

"No, ma'am. I'm reminding you."

"One might well take such a reminder as a threat."

Despite the fact that her eyes were boring through him, Reid said nothing more. He knew that what he had just done was a huge risk...but only to him.

Eventually, she gave him a steely, "You are dismissed, Agent Reid."

He'd left her office not knowing if he'd done more harm or good, and calculated his 76.3 % probability that it was the former.

Reid's memory was interrupted by Strauss' assistant. "The Director will see you now."

* * *

 

"Agent Reid, Agent Jareau."

"Ma'am."

"Thank you for meeting with me today. Please sit down."

In contrast to the day prior, Reid complied.

Strauss directed her first comments to JJ. "Agent Jareau, it's come to my attention that you believe I have had a role to play in your arrangement with the co-chairs of the congressional board that reviewed the actions of the BAU from last fall." She seemed to be awaiting a response.

JJ flashed a sideways look to Reid. "Ma'am, I've been making my reports through you."

Strauss studied her a moment. "And only that, Agent Jareau. I have no other relationship with the congressmen."

JJ wasn't sure how to respond, or even if a response was necessary. She went with, 'Yes, ma'am."

Reid's heart was pounding. Strauss seemed to be going for denial. He'd been hoping for better. If this was the route she was taking, neither of their jobs were safe. Had he miscalculated? Had he actually endangered JJ's position?

Now Strauss turned to him. "Agent Reid, the review board was very concerned at the actions you took regarding the exchange of Ian Doyle for his son. Some felt you deliberately put his life in danger, not to save his son, but to avenge the so-called death of Agent Prentiss. They argued that you should be prosecuted as an example of the FBI's intolerance of renegade behavior."

Reid swallowed thickly. JJ looked at the floor, hoping to stay the tears that wanted to fall. Strauss was going through with it. After all she'd been through to try to prevent it, Spence was still in danger.

Strauss continued, "I convinced them that the operation had been a necessary one, and that no unavoidable risks were taken. Was I wrong to have done so?"

She seemed to be expecting gratitude from them, but they both knew she'd only defended them so that she could hold the continued threat over JJ's head.

"Agent Reid?"

"No, ma'am, you weren't wrong. I advised as I thought was necessary to save the child's life."

Apparently satisfied that she'd made her point, Strauss abruptly changed the subject. "Agent Jareau, the co-chairs have dissolved that particular review board. There will be no need for further reports on the activities and members of the BAU."

Reid flashed Strauss a look. Was this what he was hoping for?

JJ was stunned at the rapid turn of events. "Yes...yes, ma'am." After a moment she thought to ask, "Will I be staying with the BAU?"

Both agents held their breaths waiting for her response. "Yes, you will continue your assignment with the BAU. For now."

JJ and Reid shared a look of relief and started to rise. Strauss caught them up with, "Agent Reid, I'm not done with you yet. Agent Jareau, I'd like you to remain as well."

JJ's heart fell. Reid was still in trouble.

"Agent Reid, are you aware of the FBI's policy on employees who abuse substances?"

Reid went pale. JJ turned her head so Strauss couldn't see what she was sure was a look of shock on her face. When she turned back, she had the sense that Reid wasn't entirely surprised. He looked like he might have expected it, was maybe even resigned to it. But JJ couldn't make sense of why it was coming up now, nor how Strauss had known. The team had dealt with Reid's substance abuse issues through inferences and unspoken understanding. It was the only way to preserve deniability for him, and for Hotch as his unit chief.

Strauss pulled out a drawer and reached into it, to take out a small token. Without waiting for Reid to answer her question, she went on.

"You left this behind yesterday, Agent Reid. I recognize it as a 'one year token' distributed by some twelve step programs to celebrate a member's first year of sobriety."

Strauss and JJ were both looking at Reid, who was looking at the floor.

"Why did you leave it on my desk, Agent Reid?"

Slowly he looked up, and then held his gaze steady on her. "When I was struggling…..when I was afraid I would relapse….someone I greatly respected in the FBI gave me his one year token. I hadn't gone a year yet, but he could see I was on the edge, and he gave it to me as a reminder of all I would lose if I went backwards. It kept me sober."

JJ was in turmoil. He was revealing a secret the whole team had kept, and to the person best positioned to use it against him. She realized he had done it to save her job, and to preserve the team. At the same time, she was upset to learn how he had continued to struggle, and not felt he could reach out within the team.

Reid was continuing. "When I reached my year of sobriety, I returned the token to him. I gave you mine to help you remember the journey you're on, and why, and the steps you need to take."

Reid's volume trailed off at the last few words. He was firm in his conviction, but he also knew that this woman could destroy him. He was taking a calculated gamble in bringing her alcoholism to the table. He'd know in a moment whether it was a good idea.

Erin Strauss narrowed her eyes to take stock of the young agent before her, as she considered his future and her own. She realized there was no point in denying her dependence to a member of the BAU. It had reached its ugly pinnacle while she was on location with the team. But she would concede nothing to her challenger.

"Agent Reid, I asked you before if you were familiar with the FBI's policy on employees who abuse substances. Are you?"

He wasn't sure where this was going. Neither was JJ, who was looking at him with troubled eyes.

"I know the FBI is supportive of employees who need assistance in dealing with chemical dependence."

"Ah, yes, the Bureau is very supportive. But the Bureau is also quite firm in its intolerance of illegal activities. Consequently, those who become dependent on alcohol…..a legal substance, for those of age…..are supported in achieving sobriety. Those who use illegal substances…..or who use prescription medication in an illegal way…..are supported through their sobriety, but are also subject to criminal prosecution, and dismissal from the FBI."

Reid was looking down by now. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard.  _Here it comes,_ he thought. JJ was doing her best to stop shaking.

Strauss watched them both and was sure she had made her point. "It would be a shame if such issues came to light after an agent's hard won sobriety. One could hope the Bureau would be lenient, but there are never guarantees."

She picked up the token and held it out. "This is yours, Agent Reid. Keep it. Mine will be won in the traditional way." She started shuffling papers on her desk as she concluded with, "You are both dismissed."

JJ looked like she wanted to say something, but Reid turned her around and whispered, "Leave it. Go."

As they exited the office suite and started down the hall, JJ found her legs shaking along with the rest of her. She had trouble keeping up with his angry stride. He was staring straight ahead as he walked, a look of fury and determination on his face. When she saw an empty office ahead of them, JJ pushed Reid inside.

"Why did she do that?"

"To keep me in my place. And she made you watch, so you could be sure I'd stay there."

"Spence…" She pulled him into an embrace. "I'm so sorry, about everything." In her heart, she was referring to more than the past few minutes with Strauss. She was referring to all that had come before, and to all that had come between them. She clung to him. She couldn't hold him tight enough.

He held her close in return. "It's all right. It will be all right. She's just a blowhard. Nothing will happen. It will be all right."


	7. Chapter 7

**The Clone**

**Chapter 7**

When they returned to the BAU, Hotch called them to his office again. Reid responded to the question he looked at them.

"We're both still with the team. I don't think there will be any more trouble."

Hotch noticed JJ's lack of eye contact with either of them. There was clearly more to the story, but he knew he wouldn't be hearing it from his two youngest profilers. He sent them back to work with, "All right. We delayed our team meeting until your return. We'll gather everyone and get started in ten minutes."

They knew he wouldn't have delayed the meeting for them unless he either had confidence they'd both be returning…..or he was prepared to use the team meeting to strategize about saving one or both of them.

On the way to the bullpen, JJ stopped Reid. "Spence, we need to talk."

"There's nothing more to talk about, JJ." He was looking away from her.

"Yes, there is." Now  _she_  was firm. "Strauss threatened you in a way that I didn't even know she could. I can't pretend I didn't hear it, Spence. We need to talk."

He deflated with a sigh, dropping his head as he spoke. "JJ, I never wanted you involved in this part. I thought I could appeal to her better nature. Obviously I was wrong. I'm sorry you had to be there."

They both knew that she couldn't reasonably deny knowledge of his substance abuse after the session in Strauss' office. The best they could do was not to discuss it openly with the rest of the team.

"And so, we need to talk. Will you come over tonight? You can join us for dinner. Or you can come after, if that would be better."

He gave in. "Okay. Can we play it by ear as to when? I don't think Henry should be around me the way I feel now, I don't want to upset him."

JJ rubbed his arm. "Sometimes he can be just what I need to cheer me up. Maybe he can do that for you, too. So, if you want to come for dinner, do."

He gave her a small smile. "Thanks, JJ….for everything. It's good to know I've got someone who cares." He was remembering those many months when he didn't think she cared at all, or that they would ever be close again.

"Don't you ever forget that I do! I never stopped, Spence."

* * *

The rest of the team had picked up on the comings and goings of JJ and Reid, so were aware that something was afoot. When it wasn't the first item on Hotch's agenda for the meeting, they understood that it was not open for general discussion. That didn't keep them from grilling their teammates afterwards.

"Hey, Pretty Boy. You okay?" Morgan was resting himself on the corner of Reid's desk.

"Fine." When Morgan didn't move on, Reid added, "I've got a lot to do, Morgan. I think my pile of files grew a little overnight." He looked at his friend meaningfully.

Morgan looked only slightly guilty. "It's just that I noticed we postponed our meeting to wait for you and JJ to get back…..from where?"

Reid was looking at a file but raised his eyes to Morgan. "We had an appointment. Thanks for waiting for us."

With that, Morgan realized he wouldn't be getting anything except dismissed. He stared at Reid as he walked away saying, "No problem, Kid. You're welcome."

At the same time, Emily was prying at JJ in the coffee bay, both handling it a little more openly than the men. "JJ, is everything all right with you and Reid? Is there any trouble?"

JJ met Emily's eyes. "I can't talk about it Emily. I'm hoping there won't be trouble, but there may. Only time will tell. I'm sorry that I can't say more than that, but please don't ask me again."

Emily gave JJ a wary nod as they headed back to their desks. If anyone on the team was aware of the need to keep secrets, it was Emily.

* * *

At the end of the day, JJ was busy in the kitchen when she heard the bell. Henry beat her to the door.

"Uncle Spence!"

"Hi Buddy" He picked Henry up for a hug and a tickle. "Hey, little man, you should probably let your mom answer the door. You never know who might be there."

"Thank you, Uncle Spence." JJ gave a meaningful look at her son. "I've been trying to teach Henry about that."

Henry didn't see what they were so worried about. Why worry about what  _could_  happen, when it  _didn't_  happen? The mantra of all four year olds. "But it was Uncle Spence, Mommy!"

JJ gave up the existential argument with her son and greeted Reid with a smile. He thought she looked considerably calmer than she had all day.

"I'm glad you decided to come for dinner."

"You were right. I realized I needed cheering up from my favorite godson. My  _only_ godson", he corrected.

"Well, go and play with him then. I'm just finishing up here. Dinner will be ready in a few."

Henry was busy building a fort from the sofa cushions and Reid found himself engaging his engineering skills in making it the best fort a boy and his godfather could enjoy. They were both busy hiding inside it when JJ called them to dinner.

"Mommy, I showed Uncle Spence how to make a fort! He said he needed one today, but he didn't know how to make it. So I showed him. He said it was great!"

JJ smiled at them both and then broke into laughter. She shared the image that had come into her head….Reid pulling apart Strauss' sofa cushions to defend himself. "Can you imagine?"

"If she pulls anything else, I just may do that. At least it would scare her to have a lunatic in her office."

After dinner, Henry wheedled Reid into performing a few card tricks for him, then insisted they both read him a story. Reid found himself anticipating Henry's bedtime prayer for him, hoping the prayers of little ones were truly answered.

Once Henry was settled, the adults retired to the living room. JJ set the fire going and brought in a bottle of wine. "I've needed this all day." She poured for both of them and started sipping her glass. They were facing each other on the sofa, which had been reassembled once the fort was broken down.

Reid got right to it. "JJ, I'm sorry you had to go through that today. She put you in a terrible position. And she wouldn't have been able to do that if it weren't for me."

JJ put her glass down. "Spence, can we talk about it? All of it? I feel like there was a lot I didn't know about."

"Like?"

"Like that you clued her in that you'd had a problem with addiction. Why, Spence? What did you hope to gain?"

He understood why she was questioning his decision. The team had never openly addressed his addiction. They knew it could place his career with the FBI in jeopardy. All of them, and especially their unit chief, had to be able to honestly say they had no knowledge of him having a problem. It was the only way to keep him safe, and to protect their own positions as well. If it became known that they had hidden knowledge of a fellow agent using drugs illegally, they could have lost their own careers. Strauss had strongly suspected the truth, but was unable to get any of the team to acknowledge it. Of the many things Reid had come to regret about that time, the fact that his actions had put the whole team in such a quandary was paramount.

He put his glass down as well. "We knew she was struggling with alcohol, that it was the reason she'd taken leave. When she came back, I was hoping she was working her way through the steps. That maybe the alcohol had been the cause of a lot of her past behaviors. Working through the steps would mean acknowledging being wrong, and making amends. I thought, if I could relate to her on that level, I could get her to see that what she's been doing all along has been part of the addiction process. That she needs to let it go. I thought the token might trigger that." He shook his head in disgust. "Guess I was wrong."

"Maybe part of it was the alcohol….and part is just Strauss being Strauss. And now she has proof that you had an addiction. Spence, this could be really bad, couldn't it?"

"JJ, are you sure you want to talk about this? I mean, if we do, we can't undo it. Before today, you'd have been able to deny knowing anything. You couldn't be charged with 'aiding and abetting'…..or whatever they call it when you don't report a breach in professional behavior. I never thought about Strauss forcing you to hear it. Guess that's another thing I was wrong about. I'm sorry."

JJ looked at him steadily. "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right? Whatever we talk about, the information stays right here, between us." She waved her hand between them. "No matter what."

He realized she was telling him she would put herself and her career on the line for him, as he had just done for her. The look in his eyes told her how much that touched him.

"I trust you implicitly, JJ."

She held his eyes for a moment, smiled slightly. She knew trust didn't come easily to him….he'd been hurt by it too many times before. "Good." She became very serious. "Spence, now that we can talk about it, will you tell me about the dilaudid? I'm not trying to pry. I want to understand what happened to you."

He stared into the fire for a while. "JJ, I never in my life thought I could be one of "those people". That I'd wake up feeling like I couldn't face the day without a fix. Or that I'd need one again every time I was stressed. But it happened."

He turned to face her. "You know Henkel gave me the drugs…..it was the Tobias personality. He was trying to help me deal with the pain. When it was in me, the pain….and the fear….and everything, just went away."

She cringed thinking of him in that horrible situation. And despite his assurances that it had been his own fault they'd separated, she'd never entirely forgiven herself for leaving him alone.

He was continuing. "Did you know I took the vials from his pocket before I left his body?" He looked like he was still appalled at his actions. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Spence, you were drugged, in pain, dehydrated, starving, scared…..and you'd just been digging your own grave. You weren't  _thinking_  anything. You were surviving on instinct." Her voice had been breaking through the whole exchange, just remembering.

He rubbed her shoulder. "When I tried to go back to work, I couldn't concentrate. I was having flashbacks all the time, but especially when we were at a crime scene. Even looking at pictures or talking about the victims was hard. I just kept flashing back to the time with Henkel. When I thought I was about to die. And I wanted the dilaudid to help me forget."

JJ's hand had gone to her mouth, trying to keep herself from crying.

"JJ, what? What's wrong?"

"Do you remember talking with Morgan on the plane, after we'd been to New York? When those young girls were being killed?"

His mouth fell open. He remembered it well. But how did JJ know?

"I was reading on the other side of your seat, just behind you. Spence, I heard your whole conversation. You said you understood what the victims had gone through, what they had thought and felt 'just before'." With that, her sob escaped the hand over her mouth. "I had to run to the bathroom so you wouldn't see me crying. Spence, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know how you've done this job since then. I don't think I would have had the strength."

Reid was reassuring. "It was a long time ago, JJ. Distance definitely helps. It numbs the pain and gives perspective. You probably heard Morgan tell me to use it to be better at my job. I couldn't do it then, but I can now."

JJ sipped her wine in silence for a while, watching the fire. Then, "Spence, how did you stop?"

He took a deep breath, remembering the process. "With great difficulty."

Now she was watching him look at the fire. "I met up with an old friend when we were in New Orleans. He saw right away that I was in trouble. I think I was at that crisis point they talk about….hitting bottom. But, thank God, I was still having times when I was sober enough to realize it."

He turned to look directly at her. "JJ, I wasn't raised to believe in God, never had anything to do with organized religion. But when my heart stopped, when I was with Henkel, something happened that challenged me to believe. So, when we were in New Orleans, for probably the first time in my life, I prayed. I prayed to get my life back, to lose the craving for escape, to have the strength to do what I needed to do."

JJ saw how earnest he was in telling her this. "And when we got back, I threw out the rest of the drugs. Hotch gave me a week of leave, and I stopped. I had to keep praying, every day….even every hour….for the strength, but I did it."

"You did it without anyone's help?" Because they didn't discuss it aloud, each of Reid's team members had always assumed another had been there with him.

"I couldn't involve anyone else, JJ. You know that."

Over the years, JJ had grown to greatly admire and respect Reid, both for what he could do and for who he was. But never more so than at this moment. Then she remembered something he'd said to Strauss and was stricken with guilt.

"Spence, you told Strauss you'd started craving again. Was it because of what I did…..about Emily….or when I was reporting to Strauss?" Praying that the answer would be no.

"It was a long time before that, JJ. I hadn't even been sober for a year back then. I'd tried, and failed, to keep someone from killing a kid….an unsub…..right in front of me. I couldn't get it out of my head…..or my dreams. I was wanting to escape, and of course thought of dilaudid."

JJ watched him with sympathetic eyes. Reid, for all of his analytical nature, was also one of the most emotional members of the team. His tendency to live in the gray area, to identify with both the good and the bad, to care about an unsub as well as a victim, was both a strength and liability for him. It was probably what made him think he could still try to appeal to the good inside Erin Strauss.

"At least that time I was coming to the decision from a position of sobriety….so I made a better choice, and went to a meeting. The first of many."

JJ wasn't ready to give up her own guilt. "And with Emily? And all this year?"

His gaze was honest. "I continued with meetings. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted. But I know what to do about it now. I'm not going back to it, JJ. Not ever."

She clasped his hand and held it tightly. "I'm sorry. And, thank God."

After a while, she asked, "So, what do we do now?"

He'd been thinking of little else all day. "I don't think there's anything more we can do. She's let you off the hook from spying on the team. That was the main thing we needed to accomplish." After a pause, "I'm still thinking that means she's recognizing what she's done wrong and trying, in her own twisted way, to make amends. It might be a really good sign."

JJ was less forgiving. "Or it might mean her congressmen friends have abandoned her for a better source of votes in the next election. I'm still worried, Spence. She's holding both Doyle and the addiction issues over your head. Why?"

"I think she's still afraid, JJ. She knows we're aware of her drinking, and wants us to keep it quiet. And she's so used to scheming and convoluted plans that she thinks she has to threaten us instead of just appealing to us. I thought showing her the token, showing her that I understood, might change that."

"Always appealing to someone's better nature, whether an unsub or Erin Strauss. That's my Spence." In spite of her mood, she smiled as she ruffled his hair.

He was blushing. "There's good and bad in all of us, JJ. It just takes the right person to bring the best out." He shot her a sideways look. "Which you've always done for me."

That brought a real smile, and then a sigh. "Oh, I've missed this for all these months. I'm so mad at Strauss for keeping us apart, Spence. And at myself for letting her. Never again, I promise."

"I'll hold you to it." He started to get up. "I think I better get going. It's been an incredibly long day….must have been a week long, at least."

As she followed him to the door, JJ had another concerning thought. "Spence, what if she relapses? I mean, isn't that a common thing? What if she starts letting the alcohol make her decisions again? What happens to you?"

He turned to her. "JJ, the very first steps in the program tell us that we do not hold the power. Neither of us can control her or what she does. We can only be who we are, doing what we do, to the best of our ability. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't worry about what I can't control. I don't want you worrying either."

She didn't look like someone about to stop worrying, so he pushed her. He caught her by the shoulders to show he was serious. "Promise me?"

She reached her arms around him and hugged him.

"I promise. But I also want you to remember, whatever happens, we're handling it together. You're not alone in this or anything else. Ever. We mean too much to each other, Spence."

This was the JJ he knew. This was the relationship he'd treasured, the one he'd missed so much. The one that always made him feel full, and yet wanting more. The sweetness of the desire, the promise of the future.

As Reid was turning to leave, JJ got a mischievous look on her face. "Oh, Spence, I almost forgot. Last night? Before you left?"

He was puzzled when she continued with, "Did you think I was asleep?"

But he understood perfectly well when she punctuated her conversation by leaning up and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Tag, you're it."

FINIS

* * *

**A.N. _The Clone_  is continued in  _Consequences,_ which is up next.**


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